c'mon, almost famous was a great flick.

right on!

god, is this what i have to look forward to? the a-game? sigh.

I'm a stickler for correct spelling and grammar in emails and text and thank God my last boyfriend and my current love have both passed this test. A girl's gotta have her standards! Trust me, yours are nothing but reasonable, you'll be glad you stuck with them.

Um...I always bring my A-game, have a fairly clean apartment and can spell 'you' in 3 different ways - all of them correct. Do I get your number now?

well said and right on!! this should be required reading for all guys everywhere!

I share a similar aversion to people who can not simnply spell out the word y-o-u. It's only two more letters and it's not like you get charged by the vowels.

Phrases such as "CU 2nite", "R U close?", and "Talk 2 U l8tr" are cringeworthy texts that serve to remind me not to take education or maturity off my favored attributes list.

Sing it sister.

You aren't being a fussy fish. I dated Dr. Evil, a Harvard Med grad, who one would assume had some idea to differentiate the male and female anatomy. Guess again. He called me...gasp...DUDE! The minute he said that, I was like, dude I am outta here!

You, Ewe, Hugh

For extra credit, Eeewwwwwww

And for you South Philly people,

You'se....Does YO! count?

It's so nice to read this and know that someone else has my same method of detecting flags and standards. Good on you for sticking to that.
We are in the minority but I'm proud to be there.

Yeah, men need yet another re-education about what the women's movement meant to accomplish.

Well said! But damn, does that mean I should stop waiting for my Lloyd Dobler to come along?

Ditto nsiv....Right on!

Oh fishy! This sounds a little Seinfeldian ... you really broke up with a smart, dashing entrepreneur because he asked you to bring your A-game? I would imagine it was just an expression -- I agree, I can't see you ever bringing down a fun quotient.

I once dated a guy who was guilty of all of the above -- insiduous insults disguised as jokes (check), couldn't be arsed to make the effort to impress (check), and worst of all, he always insisted that I drove every time we met up coz, again, he was just too lazy. But the worst part was that HE dropped me! That's what I get for ignoring/lowering my standards out of sheer desperation.

I SO could have used this post back then.

I once dated a guy who said he felt so comfortable with me that it was "like sleeping with his best mate"... I'm sure there was a compliment in there somewhere.......

I was watching a 20-20 or Dateline or Nightline or some other line about a "Real Life Hitch." It was about this dating doctor of sorts (I think possibly in NYC) who coached men in the ways of dating. One tip he gave was to tease a bit to catch attention, which supposedly worked better than being complimentary.

Maybe you were the recipient of bad Hitch'ing in the city?

Don't forget 'yew'. The poor tree is feeling left out...

great piece today heather...love your writing!

Hello there Fish! I've been following your blog for months now. It's a real treat to look forward to after a long day of boring lectures in school. Just want to say 'Hi', and that even as a Singaporean, I can so totally see the pitfalls of dating in a crowded modern city!

One question though, can any trendy folks please let me in the know of what an "A-game" is? Please please.. :P

Amen sist'a! At least in the beginning we deserve to be wooed since the farting and the belching is what we are headed for.

Ok are you inside my head? ;o)
You are so good at expressing the thoughts that I have about men. I too sometimes worry that my standards are too high but then I think why would/should I settle for anything less?

Agreed! Men have become so lazy with the whole dating thing. I wish "courting" was still practiced!

Right On!!!!If they want to treat us like "One of the Boys" then I guess they won't mind if we hang out during their boys night poker games and don't shave our legs before ;)!!!

hey fish, can I reserve you for a make-out session on friday night?

Amen!!!

Well it IS Tuesday so I guess it's PC enough for me to accept an invite for Friday night....Sure!

LOL

Great insite, plus I'm totally thinking I need to give a little more of my A-game to my wife. I'll do that laundry tonight. Thanks for the reality check, Fish!

*sigh* as usual couldn't agree with you more. Does he know yet about the science hypothesis reached over malibu and pineapples?

This is great. I am glad someone else feels the same way about how men should treat someone they are dating. So many of them can easily screw things up by just opening their mouths.

Although the text messaging shorthand doesn't phase me at all, I am totally with you on the guys who want some but don't want to pay for some.

What is it to take a girl out these days? The last few dates I have been on, I've had to basically tell them we were going out. As well as pick the day, time, place and do pretty much everything but pay. Thank goodness for small favors, I guess.

Completely and utterly true. There are ways to woo a girl, and guys should know them!

You'd be surprised how many of them don't know those three basic rules in their early- to mid-40s (which actually answers the question about why they're not in relationships, now that I think about it.....)

Hang tough, kid!!

I've been reading about an first hand experiencing unacceptable male behavior ever since I moved to NYC. At first, i thought it was something I was doing, but then I came to realize that somewhere down the line something went serioulsy awry in the dating arena. I blamed their mother's for failing them, their father's for not being proper role models...and then I stumbled upon the book (I'm going to try doing an HTML link to it that might not work because I suck at any sort of code), What Our Mother's Didn't Tell Us by Danielle Crittendon in the women's studies section. Every women should buy this book. It's smart and thought provoking and, at least for me, provided another perspective on all the dating stuff I'd been experiencing. Check it out - I think you'll find it interesting.

Now that I am the mother of a son who will oneday grow up to be "one of the" I am doing everything in my power to make him not like "one of them" He is three and is already holding the door open for ladies and saying excuse me when he burps and my favorite thing yet....he pus down the toilet seat!

How about a guy who seems to be "into" me but uses words like "tits" in regular conversation with me?
Or the guy who asked me out to dinner and then had ME pay for the taxi?
Keep up the great work!

You've heard all I have to say about this, so all I need to add is that Cameron Crowe is a hack.

You are SO on the money!!!

Clearly I'm not one for spelling out full words, but I can understand the frustration. And for me, it's not a matter of "buying vowels", it's more a matter of being able to fit all my text into one "page", there is usually a characture limit (much like leaving a comment, but more limiting).

I hear what you're saying and agree whole heartedly about the being treated like a girl. I have dated so many guys (they don't even qualify as "men") who haven't the foggiest idea of how to treat girls, much less women. I mean, is it too much to ask to be romanced a little? And usually it's the smallest of things that send me soaring on Cloud 9. It's not like it has to be complicated or expensive, just thoughtful.

It just goes to show that either there are not enough mothers out there teaching their sons how to behave properly, or men really do think with their willies! (Notice the lower case W)

I know I already put in my two cents', but I had change. :)

The thing is, guys don't seem to want to admit that their dates are dates. I hate to beat a dead horse, but a lot of guys are still afraid of commitment (part of their fear of growing up), and they're afraid of failure.

If you're "just friends" and a girl says no to pizza, it's no big deal. But if a guy asks a girl on a pizza date and she says no, it's humiliating. To relieve the pressure, guys don't call dates dates.

When guys are enjoying a social activity with a girl, they don't want to admit to themselves that it's inherently unlike a social activity with a guy friend. They're afraid to call it what it is: A date. To compensate, they act like jerks, hence your experience.

That would be my "real" guess about what's going on.

AMEN to that! I have a list of what men should be doing when they start the dance of dating....there are def. times that I wonder why I even bother...

I can't help but laugh with this post. I have been on the receiving end of those type of statements. Glad I am not the only one who cringes and decides that its a deal breaker.

Here's to guys putting on the "clean" front. Here's to guys treating chicas like chicas. Here's to you, Fish, for making me laugh today. I needed that.

Dare I say *Peace out*?

Ciao...

I second or third the AMEN! Go Fish.

Dear Fish,

Would you date a 55 year old single guy with a great day job that is a multi-instrumentalist in a band on weekend nights?

Sincerely, Ron

Good for you, girl! I think many more girls, as well as guys, need to hear this. I tend to let them get away with things, and it always ends up bad. Sometimes they need us to put our foot down before they learn. Without being bitchy about it, of course. :) Nice entry.

your a-game??? Seriously?? What a jerk. He'll probably still be single at 60 and wondering what's wrong with all the women. Jeez.

You go, girl!

You girls are too grumpy and negative. Not Fish, she is cool and fun, but some of these commenters ... I mean, there are plenty of obnoxious things girls in this town do, too.

What is an a-game?

I hope you told him your A- game was reserved for non school nights!

"A-game" is a sports metaphor. You talk about a team bringing its A-game when they are doing everything right and are really on the ball. It basically means, one's best effort.

I guess this guy wanted Fish to be willing to stay out longer, but if that was so important to him, he could have asked to "reserve" her on a weekend...

Alright..this is what men need to understand:
Most women get hit on constantly, a lot more than men do obviously. If all the girl wanted was sex, she could get it from MANY sources anytime she wanted.

So obviously, the reason she's spending the time dating a man is to feel special and be treated like a Queen. Now if she's not being treated the way she wants, she has no other incentive to stick around because getting sex is no problem for her, it's a problem for guys because they hardly ever get explicitly hit on.

If some of the boneheads out there understood what actually drives women emotionally, both parties would be getting what they want.

Um, I do see where you're coming from but...well. Is it really that bad? I've learnt that there's often a bit of give and take needed.
When I met my fiance he had zero self confidence, not in an attention seeking way, but in a self depricating way. Normally a total 'deal breaker'(it just REALLY irritates me, especially when un-founded, makes me wana throw things (!)) but I stuck with it cause he was cute and astonishingly funny(yes, I know. Superficial would not even cover it) and I realised eventually that there was so much else about him that I liked (and now love.) It was sooo worth 'lowering my standards' a little and finding an amazing guy.
There are lots of fantastic men out there, hiding under layers of arogence and the like.

I guess you gotta kiss a whole lot of frogs sometimes.

Then again, if something really bugs you that bad, it might not be worth it. (I tried to get over a guys constant belching. Turns out there was no diamond in that rough.)

I think some of these things are kind of picky unless they are hiding larger issues. The "A Game" thing wasn't just about his using the expression, but that it seemed like he was making the date contingent upon her behaving to his specifications. That's a turnoff.

I disagree that "U" or "dude" or whatever are bad in themselves. It all depends on context. If a young man is comfortable enough with me to call me dude, it might be a joke or a good thing. All about the context.

There are some brilliant guys who are just lousy spellers. Then again, Spellcheck does exist. Everyone should try to make their best impression at first - it shows they may be serious about u.

Coolnerd, it's not that women get hit on all the time, although the part about getting sex whenever they want is true. Here's where you falter: "So obviously, the reason she's spending the time dating a man is to feel special and be treated like a Queen."

Er, that's not completely correct. Not all of us need to be treated like a "Queen." Some want to be treated decently, and to have someone to do things for in return. So what's the reason we're dating? It might be so that we can meet someone great and end up in a relationship. Having sex with random people is not always safe, even emtionally. Finding someone we LIKE who we can be with is a very good thing.

But if a guy (or a girl, for that matter) makes very little effort in intitial dates, it's a sign that they don't care much, meaning we won't be treated well in the future, and that there might not BE a future.

Guys who do things like ask us how our day was or ask about our interests are the ones who stand out. It's all about effort.

You are soooooooooo right!!! There just has to be a standard.... Good on you, sister!

Being treated well, being asked how your day was, and someone being there for you..hmm, sounds like royalty treatment to me! After all, just because you're not being treated badly doesn't mean you're being treated well..there's a difference. Men who do treat a woman like that will be treated like Kings as well..it goes both ways.

There's nothing wrong with it, society doesn't question men when they say "A man needs to feel like a man." But when women voice wanting to be treated well, we're called "high maintenance." In this day and age, when chivalry is unofficially dead, for a guy to be romantic, respectful,caring, and considerate is a big deal, it doesn't happen that often. That's royalty treatment for today's standards..like it or not.

And why shouldn't women be treated like Queens? There are so many women who are working full time and raising kids, whether they are married or single, in my opinion, women in today's world need to be worshipped. Don't get me wrong, a good man deserves the same.

A man who asks you to bring your "A-game," followed by "Peace out," or is trying to reserve you for a night of making out IS treating you like a girl, a high school girl. This is the problem, SOME men forget that girls grow up into women, who have new goals and desires for their relationships. However, I disagree with asking men to lie about who they are for a few blissful months. If you know that he is messy up front, and that is not something you can deal with, would it not be better to go find a clean man and save yourself the bitching when he lets down his front months later?

Having someone ask how your day is means being treated like a queen? My, them's some loooow standardss for royalty.

I TOTALLY agree. I was done with a guy after one date when he began an email with: "What up Sweden?", since I happen to be Swedish. Not cute...

Cool Nerd, I think we're on the same page if you think that being asked how your day was equates to being treated like a queen. But really, I think it's common decency. Rare, but decent. If you use terms like 'Women should be treated like a queen', then you have guys calling us stuck up. Asking someone how their day went on a date is so freaking EASY that I can't understand why so few guys do it...well, I guess the ones who do it are in relationships or married.

Making the littlest effort goes a long way. Guys don't have to buy us fancy meals or tell us we're beautiful. They can show their appreciation just by acting concerned and displaying basic kindness. Hell, once a guy brought me a paper flower and it was adorable, because it demonstrated effort. Too bad he was an hour late, ha ha, just kidding.

Stop complaining! Men can be thoughtless, but women are far too self conscious nowadays, and treat every little word as something negative or insulting. This is exactly the type of stupid article that influences womens' decisions. Ha you are quite the picky one. The guys wouldn't have done that unless you showed signs you were interested in "it".

o.m.g. seriously. your "a-game"?? i think i'd be killing someone. but no, darlin, not just you, "u" as a word is a definate turn-off for me too. the whole concept just makes me think we're all 15 and don't yet know how to carry on a (text) adult conversation. men loose MAJOR points for cul8r. ugh.

Women's decisions are NOT influenced by articles. We are not going to reject a good guy just because of what we read on a blog. But even being treated like human beings is sometimes too much to ask. If you are interested in someone, show it. Don't be making her feel bad that she's not up to the challenge of staying out past midnight. And if you cancel a date because youre too busy, saying later you want a makeout session is NOT COOL.

I once had a guy who would text me like this "Last night was fun!!! Let's do it again some time soon!!?!?!!".

Seriously.. first of all, most conversations don't really require exclamation marks. And if you really must use them then one should suffice.

It's the SMS equivalent of being slobbered on by the over-excited guy...

For the record, the abbreviation stuff isn't just guy behavior. I was going to have drinks last year with a girl who used (in email!) phrases like, "Til 2moro" and "does that work 4 u?" And this was a lawyer, no less!

I agree with what CL had to say. And I do think there are plenty of guys who are gentlemen in the city... but probably very few of them want to date women who sit around whining about how bad guys are on blogs! It's just unappealing. (I'm not talking about Fish, who was describing specific guys and didn't get into these gross generalizations).

A reservation!? I barely accept call-aheads!

oh my god that is some horrible shit. "Bring your A game" >> what on God's Brokeback Mountained green earth is that?
You should have responded with a simple "You get an F, biawtch. Word."

I dunno. Boys are dumb.

m

p.s. I linked to you on (from?) my blog. i hope that's cool >> think am crushin' on yer writing.

What is funny is that you think all these moments define a person. OK, if I am generally iritated with a man, almost anything can be a dealbreaker. Otherwise, it seems a bit far-fetched and up-tight to me.

I didn't read the 70 other comments, so I'm betting everyone said this.... you are NOT being fussy!!! At all.

Fish..

You're blog is aptly named. You make a few comments and everybody follows you in a school of like-minded nonsense.

Women have done it to themselves. You want to be an equal in the boardroom but when hailing a cab you want preferential treatment...Sorry sister if I'm 1 step ahead of you, I'm riding you're walking.

No wonder single women think men are jerks. Your attitudes stink.

A.
I totally agree with you. If I was absolutely crazy about either of them, those things wouldn't have bugged me so much. It just comes down to little things, and if the little things all add up to one big feeling that I'm worth a little exta effort, that's when it becomes the deal breaker.

I do, in general, think men are pretty great and I have been treated very well by some of the city's nicest.

Fish, right on. Love visiting your blog and reading your perspective.

Ron, that's a pretty lame comparison. My guess, Ron, is that you'd rather your female partner act like a lady/girl (whatever) rather than one of your lame frat brothers.

Everyone has their standards. All I'm sayin'...

Ron, I don't see anyone talking about preferential treatment here.

The other side of the coin is that we girls are ALWAYS willing to do anything for a guy who treats us well. I have so much energy stored for a guy who's just nice and decent to me and other people. I don't need to be treated like royalty, but good conversation would be nice.

Men and women may have different needs, but is being treated with consideration so hard? It wasn't the A-Game and the U that were the problem, it was the utter disregard and disinterest these two guys had. Don't date someone who doesn't even like you.

Ron: Sorry she didn't take you up on your offer to date a man 30 years her senior. Get over yourself.

Heather- Ur posting seems pretty straight forward 2 me. All U want is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. -Gregg

yes, Yes, YES.

I put in extra effort when I meet someone I like. I expect that if he likes me, he will do the same. It takes two to get things off the ground.

i guarentee you, if he isn't 100% wonderful when you're dating - he won't be worth his weight when you're married. see, they fall to at least 50% of their original charm after you say "I Do." Luckily, my man was at 200% when we met. Don't compromise, it's never worth it.

hilarious. i commend you for not falling victim to the "u"...i hate that sh*t

Thanks Heather...Being a newbie to the 21st century world of dating, i.e. email, text messaging, etc, it's nice to know a few don'ts.

And I hate to burst Natalie's bubble, but if the guy is 100% wonderful the whole time you're dating, he's about 15% full of crap. No one is that awesome all the time. Just my $.02.

I was seeing this guy once who would send me these dirty text messages, but they were all 2 and U and R and finally I was like, dude, if you want to get me hot, quit writing like you're Prince. We were good from then on out.

Duct tape good? ;P

I agree 100% on the whole U R 2, and my least favorites are "ima" and "gurl." What is that about? Does it really take too much effort to spell it out or correctly. It's a total turn-off. Good for you Fish.

I just started reading your blog and I am impressed! I have been seeing (he's scared to date after his last gf messed him up so badly-yes I know it's BS) a guy for nearly 5 months and have finally made up my mind to dump this loser for good - what can I say it was a cold lonely winter and I put up with his lack of effort and waste of my time for too long - time to raise my standards back up to where they should have been when I met him!

Wow. Ron sure turned didn't he? Hee hee, that gave me the biggest chuckle out of all the responses.

Heather- Duct tape? Really? I always keep it handy, but ... like ... in bed? So how do you ... like ... use it? -Gregg

Tanya...I didn't say I was 55, just merely a hypothetical scenario. The CEO of my company is 65 and a fish magnet for femmes of all ages.

The bottom line here is that it pays to be thoughtful, respectful and considerate no matter what your gender or goal is. This type of behavior will get you everywhere.

Women as well as men should realize you can't have it both ways. That's why I created thie other boardroom/cab scenario.

BTW I've been over myself for years.

Reading this blog confirms my suspicions that women are just as shallow as men but in different ways.

paragraph #1: "When it comes to casual dating, I am pretty low maintenance."

paragraph #13: "Perhaps I’m being fussy"

so sorry.

"The bottom line here is that it pays to be thoughtful, respectful and considerate no matter what your gender or goal is. This type of behavior will get you everywhere."

Well, yes, Ron. That was the point of her post. Nothing shallow about it. We would do the same for men.

I don't expect to get a cab ahead of a man, and I probably wouldn't if I tried!

I got a "peace out, homey" once. i swear, it was homey, not honey.

hey Fish -- thought I would share part of an email I recently received from a boy.

He must have been sending me smoke signals to compliment whatever the hell he was trying to say in this portion of the email.

"...thnx 4 d postcard
...ur having lots
...want 2 recieve
...ther inn d hospital
...just kiddin!"

There's nothing like a little illiteracy to get a girl all hot & bothered.

m

you're not being too fussy. equality for the sexes is a double-edged sword, and now it is indeed becoming the norm for a guy to treat a girl like he would his buddies. i am in complete accordance with your rant; moms need to up the volume on their "this is how you treat a girl" spiel.

Be grateful you learnt the truth on day one. Took my boy 14 months to start farting (and giggling like a 12 year old), and now it's too late to get out!

Well, Fish, I've largely given up on dating because it's such a nasty minefield of unuttered expectations.
I'm an untidy male, and I fart in bed.
So, lets face it, I'm doomed. But I'd rather not tell lies and pretend to be someone I'm not.
I would never speak to a woman in sports terms, 'A' game, or whatever, but maybe that's partly because I don't see the point in most sports. Who cares which end of the field the pigskin ball is? Not me.
I can cook, I can clean, though I hate doing it, I can iron, I can wash clothes so they still come out the same colour and size and shape they were meant to be.
And I truly do like girls... some of them anyway, I'm just fed up with the whole dating game.
And the invisible rules. Problem is, there are so many different sets.
So that's it. I'll just become a curmudgeonly old man, with nobody to give me a reason to improve.

Very nice blog. Congrats on the bloggie as well.

Never mind all that - I keep meeting guys who brag about how much pot they smoked in college. It'd be ok if they added, "Now I realize it was stupid." But what's to make me think they're still not sitting around smoking pot?

The idea is, when you meet someone, you are supposed to be trying to show her/him the BEST things about you. If you are so uninterested, don't ask that person out at all.

It isn't about lying, it's about making effort to impress. Girls do it. Guys should, too.

Ack!!!! Since I am just now venturing back into the dating world, I hate to think that this is what it has in store for me.

i just wanted to be comment 100. but i love this post because it makes more sense than i am able to put into graceful words.

I met this guy a couple months ago who is 32 & I went out with him twice. He opened doors, had great table manners, hip dresser, funny, smart & very good looking. Well one day I'm at work & I get a text message from him that says..."Slap your ass & pull your hair". I was like - WHAT!!
First of all that's not funny & second I hardly knew him enough to have a make out session with him.
Sure he was really good looking, but I was strong & stuck to my standards & my response was no thanks...I'm not interested.

Oh my god, Heather! That's unbelievable.

Was he tanked? Off his meds? High? He can't just be socially inept. I mean...a social reject is one thing, but THAT TEXT message takes the cake.

You poor thing.

You should have responded with something horrendous (I'm not judging!) like: "Shove a d!ldo up your @$$ and pull your ear." What a tool.

maha

Girls/women fart and belch too. Perhaps women are better at hiding it longer, but hey, its a part of being human. You've got to be pretty shallow and/or there has to be NOTHING else there if this is a deal breaker for men or women. Seriously, though, some people are just not very bright. That's a turn off for many people, other people don't care. Let keen/picky people get together with each other so they can pick at each other ;-)

maybe using words like a-game or reserving for a makeout session aren't great, but that shouldn't be a reason to stop talking to the guy. Men are human and make mistakes. Maybe the guy was just trying to sound friendly (by reserving he's acknowledging that she is a busy person, he's asking her to make space for him). That is very different from farting or leaving the toilet seat up. It could be that the a-game message was intended for a buddy, but he pressed the wrong button on the speed dial. Men would be more aware of these things if women would point out these small things once in a while (I didn't know that asking a girlfriend how her day went, would be treating her like a queen). Communication is essential, men and women speak different languages. Another point is that many guys have treated girls very well, and then end up being dumped for guys who are complete jerks.

Hey...great blog!!! I'm confused by men in today's world too. Forgive me, but I'd like to think I'm a pretty good catch..I give a great massage (which I love doing), I'm heaps of fun, alright looking, a good cook and great with kids. I have a great job, high salary, great family and loads of friends. So why is it sooo damn hard to meet someone who'll do those nice little things when we first meet? You know, flowers, dinner, maybe a massage in return? Women have been spoiling men for years (and before the women's movement, being supported financially for it in return). Now that we're on equal footing in the workplace, can't it be the same in our relationships? Why don't the guys out there appreciate women who do treat them well, and honour it by giving a little in return? Is it really so hard to figure out?
Guys, if you're reading this, here are some hints:
1. Take your girl out for dinner occasionally. This means you pick her up, plan where to go, pay for the meal, and dress nice. Make polite, 2-sided

conversation, and don't get drunk!
2. buy her flowers (or pick ones down the street if you're skimping it) on special occasions. I know guys who think flowers are a waste of money - trust me, they are not. For a lot of girls out there, flowers are even better than oral sex (excuse the crudeness).
3. Say thankyou when your girl does these things in return for you.

And Fish, good on you for recognising that you're guy was soo in for just a casual fling, i.e booty call. Hang in there, you will meet someone who's interested in something more serious.

Think I've said my $2.50 worth!

p.s lol will someone get Ron an anti-bitterness pill, please? And how old are you Ron? lol

I absolutely did NOT say "Peace Out." That expression went out with street corner hi-fives, flat tops, and leather Africa medallions. ;) And I had NO idea that my small, anticipatory exhortation to come out and play would be taken so incorrectly. What I do think is not represented here (and I've not read through all of the comments so I might be wrong) is that what I really wanted was for you to come out and rock out with the homies like one of the boys for that one night...a cuter, sexier, feminine homie of course (and one I enjoyed kissing I might add), but a homie nonetheless that I could bring into my world via multiple entry points; someone who would be as comfortable at an outdoor restaurant as at an OCCASIONAL dive bar on my lap, talking shit with the boys. I am truly sorry that that sentiment was lost in translation. If a real man truly likes a woman, and wants to please that woman some of us don’t find it that difficult to make that woman feel like a girl. I just wanted you to meet the crew. ;)

"is that what I really wanted was for you to come out and rock out with the homies like one of the boys for that one night..."

As a realder, I appreciate the concilatory tone of your post.

But next time make your 'instructions' clearer, and maybe spend quality time with her first, not pushing her to stay out late on a weeknight, but telling her you like her. For her. Not just because she is cute or sexy. Girls like to hear that they are attractive, but we want to hear that you like us for ourselves, too, because cute is a dime a dozen.

instead of guys trying to hide their emotions behind 'a-game' and 'dude' and 'sweet', consider that girls want to be talked to. we are insecure sometimes and want to know that you like us. if you treat us like your guy friends who you AREN'T attracted to or interested in, we won't get too turned on.

if a guy asked if he could "reserve me" ... i'd be a tad bit ticked too..
that's like treating you as if you're
an object.. that's a big no no boys..

... the guy i'm currently dating is good
he's respectful for the most part..
except for this one time we were having
a shower together & he playfully
asked me to "get on my knees" ...
needless to say that shower was over
fast

don't call your girl one of your
"homies"

Why on earth would a grown woman want to be treated like a girl?

Well, now. I think you've done a fairly good job of missing the point entirely.
It wasn't "girl" versus "grown woman," it was "girl" versus "buddy."
Funny, I thought that was pretty freakin' obvious.

I read the blog, and I totally agree. Women should be treated with dignity and respect all the time by all- as they are all brilliant and smart in thier own ways. I do my best to treat woman with this standard, and everyday improve that standard, because although sometimes i meet a girl who doesn't respect me- eventually i meet someone who returns the favor, and that is always worth the wait, and for sure, that gives the best satisfaction.

I do stress, that sometimes guys don't really know what is expected of them, yet once you talk to them about what you want, most of them catch it and learn right away.

I agree with what you said, but did you have to use the "f" word. I am a mother trying to teach a former truck-driving daughter that it really doesn't sound good coming out of her mouth as my mother taught me. Have things really changed that much? I would hope not. Otherwise, I agree completely.

everyone makes mistakes

about leaving the toilet seat up...

we need it up to pee,
we have to put it up to pee cause you leave it down,
we dont complain,
so neither should any of you!

I TOTALLY agree. I was done with a guy after one date when he began an email with: "What up Sweden?", since I happen to be Swedish. Not cute...

Posted by Sweden on March 21 at 09:03pm

I had to laugh that you were upset about being called Sweden,when you use that as your username.The guy writes What up Sweden? and you Tee off on him.Change your username then.

I think that every girl should have her standards, it is important to find someone that makes you happy... that being said, I think the fact that he wanted to invite you out with his friends was sweet - I always thought when a guy introduced you to the boys it was a compliment!- but the wording DID leave a bit to be desired. =) good luck out there ladies!

us (men) will never know what women want!

WOmen want guys to check out the litle pink book of edicate, memorise it, and fallow it like it was thier bible, then forget half of it so you wont upshow them and think they are rude. lol

Ah yes, I went on one date with a guy, lovely long walk on the beach, talked for a long time, seemed to be going well. Then after specifically telling him I don't do text messages they start to come in... all after midnight. "RU OUT 2NITE?" "WHATCHU UP 2?" "WHERE U AT" I tell ya I was SOOO flattered I wanted to call his punk... up and let him know that if he can't be bothered to call me PRIOR to going out and planning on meeting me somewhere he can certainly NOT plan on ever seeing me at 1am when he hasn't managed to find anyone at the bar. Seriously!! When did this become OK behavior? And are there really girls out there that respond to this sort of thing? I guess I should be glad that I have enough self respect to recognize what a jerk he is but really... Men are just ridiculous!

I think we dated the same guy! or worse there are other men out there that want your A Game at all times and end their conversations with Pease Out.

You've got to have them standards and let them so called gentlemen know what it is that a woman wants.
peace out girl

This is my first time on this blog and I feel like I've found sisters. Fish is awesome, witty and has a great attitude even when she's down. I LOVE that. This entry caught my eye because of recent happenings with my BF. He invited me somewhere along with a few mutual friends. I emphatically squealed like five times (yes) that I wanted to go. When speaking to a mutual FF friend, he said he had no idea what my plans were. This stung and shocked moi, so when I asked what I was to him, after over a year of dating, he claimed it was too late to have this "conversation". Two words would have made me feel so much better, but apparently "I'm sorry" and a request to talk later did not occur to him. Is this expecting royal treatment? I think not. Is looking for some sign that he cared/was sorry to hurt me over the top? After a week: nothing. He answered my question without having to miss any beauty sleep or utter a single word.

Get out of my head!
Actually,don't.
Good to see my thoughts put in words and so well at that.
Thank you!
I thought I was being unreal with my expectations.
Glad I've stuck to them now.
Not that I didn;'t falter.
Having been the butt of rude jokes,unpunctuality,twelve-hour-late-responses to calls/messages,can-I-reserve-you-messages,criticism,talking down....(rant over..almost)
from ONE guy after a handful of dates,
Patience/tolerance runneth slim.
Oh the clincher?
Being asked and expected(!) to drive over and wait for coffee till busybee finishes getting a haircut.
Bah.

Jeez...you guys are a bit harsh aren't you? While I can't stand all of the text shorthand, I don't presume to "know" the author as a person, lover, friend, or make any assumptions about their intellect based on a few characters in a message.

Franky, Fish..I don't think this asshole even has an "A-game"...whatever that is...

I agree with wanting to be treated like a girl. I was watching a movie with a guy I just met, I had not even kissed him yet and he reached over to grab my breast. When I pushed his hand away he asked me what my problem was.Needless to say I have not seen him again.